Voetstoots

So today I thought I start the day off telling you about some good old South African slang.

Voetstoots – This is a car that is sold as is. You buy the car and if it breaks down as you are driving it out of the driveway of the previous owner it does not matter you bought it……. AS IS. There are no refunds, no warrantee, no money back guarantee.

This is similar to our lives. We, all being human have, in one way or another, these special conditions when venturing into relationships. All of us have issues, sometimes easily visible like rust on a car, the unsightly indication that work will be required. But there are also the not so visible problems, excessive wear on the engine, no routine maintenance, bad repair jobs.  These defaults will not present themselves initially, but at one point or another they will become visible, during routine check-ups, when you are late for an important occasion or half way through your road trip across country. We too have both visible and invisible or hidden problems. We too are holding secrets, withholding the truth. Not just a select few either…. ALL of us.

The funny thing is that even though we all have these issues and unlike cars we can mention them, we don’t. We hide it and hope that no one will notice, our pride, our jealousy, or insecurity …

Today I will mention a few of mine; I'm a very shy guy who is at times insecure about his abilities, feels the need to seek acceptance. I talk too much, I hold onto pain and anger for too long, I bottle all my emotions and I am easily influenced by others.

There is something about being vulnerable and open that it quite freeing, be it the fact that you feel less like you have to hide or that you have come to that point that you able to be open with yourself and your own faults and limitations. We all need to do a bit of repair and maintenance every now and then, and if you are not an expert then best you tell an expert what the problem is and let Him help.

But back to the main story, what I was getting at was that we are all pretty much the way we are and we all come as is. So what about relationships? What happens when you enter into a relationship, either friendship or dating….. what happens then? We still hide the faults… in fact sometimes we even do a better job at the hiding. I remember a time when I never let someone into my house when it was messy… I always cleaned up just before people arrived putting on this illusion that I was a very clean person. Well, I'm not, and I don't see a massive change in the near future haha.

I remember when a friend of mine and me started running every day along the beachfront in Summerstrand. He would always end up coming in and having a cuppa coffee or just a chat. I kept up the cleanliness for a while but soon the inevitable happened… I slipped up, I missed the dishes, something I really hate doing. He came into the kitchen and I cringed, but he said nothing. What was I hiding from? I started to relax and eventually I just left the place as is, I showed up as is. One day while I was making him coffee I heard the water running and next thing I knew he was washing my dishes…… That was so embarrassing and difficult for me to deal with. I asked him to please stop and let me do it and his response I will never forget. He said: “ Please Daniel, I come here everyday and drink coffee in your house and dirty your cups, I come here and you are so hospitable, let me do this for you.” We it was more like, I'm doing this!!!!! Haha

What just happened? A light turned on and it was bright. I realized for the first time that in our brokenness and in that voetstoots state we allow others the opportunity to bless us, to show us kindness and most of the time to return that favor. I will never forget that act of kindness for as long as I live

If we put on this mask of perfection we limit our ability to be vulnerable and humility goes out the window. Without humility pride pops in and that’s when the wheels fall off.

I continue to strive to be open with the people I care about, to share with them who I am, as much I know of who I am. I seek deeper relationships with those people and hopefully over time we can bless each other in our openness and honesty with ourselves.

5 years ago that problem list would have been much much longer. God has revealed so many things to me where I was completely unaware that it was an issue. It’s never nice to have your faults told to you but when done in love and accepted in humility the effects can be unbelievable. I value any friend who is brave enough to be honest with me and who is kind enough to tell me where I can do better and what I should be careful of. I have many of such friends and I value and treasure them. I hope to also be such a friend that can be honest when an honest answer is required even if it would be tough to hear.

Lastly living with other human beings is messy and we all have our own issues and work through these issues at our own pace. We will rub each other the wrong way, we will have good and bad days, we will fight and argue and shout and scream, but if we allow each other the space to be us, look upon others issues with humility and act in love we can all wear the as is stickers and still learn so much from the journey.

Love you guys

Dani D