Driven by routine, trapped in its monotony

Yesterday was quite a strange day considering I only woke up at 2 pm had a shower in the morning and then proceeded to clean my apartment and do the laundry both of which seemed like mammoth tasks... they still aren't finished haha. I went for a cuppa coffee with a friend later that very short day, I loved it as we chatted and laughed and at times got quite vocal. It was short but rather entertaining, then there was the great rush home to Skype with a very special friend and how inspiring that was.... WOW. It was such a fun time, talking, whispering, laughing till it hurt, skyping upside down (not as easy as it looks), talks of adventures and dreams, all seasoned with the joy of the Lord, and then the 15 minute goodbye. Then there was the rush to get some supper/dinner and the walk home with the sun pretty much down and the lights of the town slowly turning on and off as shops close and clubs and bars open. There I was thinking about how my life in Germany had become quite routine and structured and stagnant. I looked around me and decided I was going to do something.....

I looked around and said to myself what have I wanted to do but never actually done, so I rushed home picked up a spoon and an iced tea and went back the park close to my house, sat there and ate my food there. It was so beautiful, I had a few ducks watching me while I was eating and a few strangers walk by, some young people dancing uncontrollably, and as the sun faded away into darkness I realised that even though I may be in a place that screams routine and rules I am my own person, I am unique and an individual and I can be whoever I want to be... within the bounds of the law =b 

With the same breath I have to say that routine is good and cultivates a healthy life that strengthens endurance and perseverance, that keeps the heart and mind in check and keeps one grounded in God. But that's not all there is. that's not all God wants for us, that not all God has for us. He has an adventure, a crazy place where you will be stretched to the end of your limits and then some: Build a giant boat, lead a nation into the desert, fight a giant, be swallowed by a whale, and even walk on water. I am not saying we will all have a calling that leads an entire nation or saves one. We may just work in a chick-fill-a as a teller or as a cleaner. God uses every willing heart, humble enough to say yes please, I want me somma that =)  

The beauty of new experiences and unique moments are more precious than we care to even consider in our daily life. They scare us and confuse us and as there is so often awkwardness and so many of us run from that. I have run from that for as long as I can remember and always playing it safe and never stepping out and taking a chance, making a mistake, a new friend, an embarrassing act, finding love, or meeting rejection, learning to do something new, or realising that it will never be. 

Today I shared my feelings with someone, I took a chance, I became vulnerable and I stepped out of my comfort zone, I am a man of written words, a man who dreams of what he wants to say, someone who would much rather hide behind the paper. I will not always say the right things, I will not always make sense, I will not always know what to say but if you never try you will never learn. I have come to know this and respect this and I try to share verbally where I can. Too many things are left unspoken, left unwritten, left unexpressed and lost to the frailty of the mind. Let your heart share what it will and share your heart without compromise.

I have decided to look forward more and backwards less as I want to see where I am going and go where the heart desires not look back at what has conspired and look at what others have done and then try to fit in. I was not made in a mold, I was not created like your favorite superhero... over and over again. There is but one and every second of my life that I try to fit in the mold society created for me I waste. Every moment I am being someone other than that who God created me to be I am wasting. Every breath I take and words come out contrary to what I believe, I am wasting. I know this may seem harsh but sometimes the truth is that way. And don't get me wrong I do my fair share of wasting. 

So say what you need to say and do what your heart desires, it may be scary and it may be crazy and foolish but if everyone played it safe we would never have been able to see the stars as closely as we can, we would never have been able to understand the changing of the seasons, we would never have thought that the world was flat nor proof that is was not, we would never have traveled to distant lands, we will never find the cure for cancer, we will never find a lost people, save a lost nation, feed the hungry, meet God and find freedom.

It all starts where you are right there right now at this very moment. It wont be easy and it may take years to find that place that distant place in your heart that shares your deepest desires, that place caged by society. Find it and when you truly seek you will be surprised what what you will find. Don't just dream it... live it. 

I feel like I have said what I need to say today but its not over, tomorrow is near and filled with so much more opportunity, another 86400 seconds.......... 

I feel that so many people can live an entire life and never live one day, while others can live only a single day  and have lived a full life.

And in the words of a very wise man, okay maybe not so wise, James Dean "dream as you will live forever but live as this is your last day."

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be" - Marcel Pagnol

So there you have it more love and hopefully wisdom from that guy.

Love Dani D