So its been like 2+ years or so since the last post and what an adventure the last while has been. I have since moved back home bought a home settled into staying in one spot for more than 1 month....
I left Germany with passion and dreams and goals and a desire. I will however say that many of these things were far easier to talk about than to implement. Things tend to change in three years. The church I loved, the people I loved, the places I loved.
I arrived back to a place that I called home and yet I knew so few people. Many friendships grew apart while others had changed due to the challenges of marriage and children...the normal process of life....why was I so far behind? Why did it seem like I was the only one. Did I even really want that. I started to wonder if I had made the right decision. I thought to myself what have I done. I gave up everything yet again to start over again.
I decided to take a deep breath and embrace change once again. I started to dare to step out and move into something new and be grateful for the small things that had not changed. I still loved the ocean and I still loved Jesus.....that seemed like more than enough haha.
I have spent the last 19 months rediscovering myself: my passions, my calling, the desires of my heart. There is so much and Im sure I will eventually get to tell you all about it later but for now I want to tell you about how I met the girl that turned my world upside down.
Before I left for Germany I decided to turn off the emotions related to dating. I turned it off like I turn off a switch I guess and I quite successfully managed to navigate the entire 3 year stay emotionally free. Well when I got back home I realised that this was both good and bad. I had been out of a relationship for over 5 years when I got back so it was like starting over...the good thing. But what I had not factored into the equation was that this switch needed to be turned back on.
There were many realisations that occurred after this. For one I figured out that I was in pursuit of the perfect girl and that I was doing this because I knew that such a girl does not exist and so eliminating any chances of meeting anyone. Another thing that was very obvious was that I had become very independent and thus became very selfish. With all my travels and no responsibility from a relational perspective I basically only cared about myself. This was the most dangerous of all the issues created by my time alone. This needed fixing.
Well I will say there was also a lot of good that came from it all. It was not all doom and gloom. I was much more confident and more forward and I was able to communicate very clearly what I needed to communicate and was far less nervous and afraid of what she thinks or what if she does not like me. I realised that being open and forward clarified how she felt really quickly. I had a few interests but these were very one sided and never really amounted to anything.
This was the case until about two weeks ago. I was invited to a party and I was not interested in going to. On the day of the party I bumped into the person who had invited me and basically I was taken on a guilt trip and ended up at the party....but as a Mexican (This is a long story so I will not elaborate). In fact I was the only person dressed as a Mexican. So while I was sitting chatting to one of my friends I was interrupted by a girl who merely wanted to compliment me on my outfit. At this point I had become quite comfortable with the idea that I was dressed like everyone else so there was a moment of confusion. When I turned to look at her I realised that I was staring at a girl that I had to get to know. I cannot tell you why or how I knew this. It was a gut feeling. So I faced my fear and started to attempt to hold a conversation. It worked and she eventually sat at our table.
I remember being completely captivated by her every word even if it was not that profound. I was not sure what just happened. Time ran out and I had to leave and this tore me apart, should I stay and let someone else down or should I stick to my commitments and potentially pass on this opportunity. I panicked and left without asking for her number.
Well I cannot explain how I have felt since then but I managed to hunt this girl down and we have been hanging out for two weeks now and the truth is she took my breath away the first time I met her and I have had trouble breathing ever since. It was as if God was waiting for the perfect moment and I could only but imagine the smile on His face when this all happened.
I will be honest I had started to believe that the right girl was never going to come around or that God was angry with me. I had given Him reason to be so why not I guess. I had started to question if the desires in my heart were even form God or if that I had made them up. I had been lied to a lot and this confused me to the point that I was potentially going to accept defeat and live out the caged life. A tame existence. But this was not the way it was planned...clearly.
I have never felt so comfortable around a girl before. It has felt so natural and so right and to have someone who feels exactly the same way has been one of the most amazing experiences I have ever encountered. She has spoken into my soul into a place that only a woman can speak and she has started the healing process that only another soul can mend.
I also have realised that God made man......and then he made woman. They were not created together at the same time. There was something missing. It was incomplete and thus God created again. I know now that in order to know God more completely a man must search the heart of a woman to discover the parts of God that can only be found in a woman. I think when people say that God must be above all and thus a woman should not receive as much time is somewhat false. I think the very idea of searching the soul of a woman is in fact equivalent to searching for another part of the beauty of God. It cannot be found in another man and it cannot be found in anything else really.
I am however not saying that woman should be worshiped but rather that what makes her a woman should be revered. If we were to realise that God is in all things and created all things we would spend less time worrying about whether we are spending enough time with God and more time admiring his creation and being captivated by it.
The journey is still in the beginning phases and I know there will be challenges along the way but I also know that I can face them with this person, I know that this person can face them without being crushed, I know that God is the center of my life and the center my relationship and as I told her must be the center of hers, and so the list goes on.
I embrace the new changes and challenges and I put God fully in the center of it all. I think Him for the divine encounter that made this all possible and I thank Him for every situation and cross road that has brought me to this point.
In closing I have realised there is one thing that has changed me and will enable me to face many challenges. This is that I have much grace for other because of the grace that I have been given. To fully comprehend the grace God has given me makes me so humble and willing to provide grace.
Its a first blog in a while so I will be needing grace on this one.
Much Love
Dan
I left Germany with passion and dreams and goals and a desire. I will however say that many of these things were far easier to talk about than to implement. Things tend to change in three years. The church I loved, the people I loved, the places I loved.
I arrived back to a place that I called home and yet I knew so few people. Many friendships grew apart while others had changed due to the challenges of marriage and children...the normal process of life....why was I so far behind? Why did it seem like I was the only one. Did I even really want that. I started to wonder if I had made the right decision. I thought to myself what have I done. I gave up everything yet again to start over again.
I decided to take a deep breath and embrace change once again. I started to dare to step out and move into something new and be grateful for the small things that had not changed. I still loved the ocean and I still loved Jesus.....that seemed like more than enough haha.
I have spent the last 19 months rediscovering myself: my passions, my calling, the desires of my heart. There is so much and Im sure I will eventually get to tell you all about it later but for now I want to tell you about how I met the girl that turned my world upside down.
Before I left for Germany I decided to turn off the emotions related to dating. I turned it off like I turn off a switch I guess and I quite successfully managed to navigate the entire 3 year stay emotionally free. Well when I got back home I realised that this was both good and bad. I had been out of a relationship for over 5 years when I got back so it was like starting over...the good thing. But what I had not factored into the equation was that this switch needed to be turned back on.
There were many realisations that occurred after this. For one I figured out that I was in pursuit of the perfect girl and that I was doing this because I knew that such a girl does not exist and so eliminating any chances of meeting anyone. Another thing that was very obvious was that I had become very independent and thus became very selfish. With all my travels and no responsibility from a relational perspective I basically only cared about myself. This was the most dangerous of all the issues created by my time alone. This needed fixing.
Well I will say there was also a lot of good that came from it all. It was not all doom and gloom. I was much more confident and more forward and I was able to communicate very clearly what I needed to communicate and was far less nervous and afraid of what she thinks or what if she does not like me. I realised that being open and forward clarified how she felt really quickly. I had a few interests but these were very one sided and never really amounted to anything.
This was the case until about two weeks ago. I was invited to a party and I was not interested in going to. On the day of the party I bumped into the person who had invited me and basically I was taken on a guilt trip and ended up at the party....but as a Mexican (This is a long story so I will not elaborate). In fact I was the only person dressed as a Mexican. So while I was sitting chatting to one of my friends I was interrupted by a girl who merely wanted to compliment me on my outfit. At this point I had become quite comfortable with the idea that I was dressed like everyone else so there was a moment of confusion. When I turned to look at her I realised that I was staring at a girl that I had to get to know. I cannot tell you why or how I knew this. It was a gut feeling. So I faced my fear and started to attempt to hold a conversation. It worked and she eventually sat at our table.
I remember being completely captivated by her every word even if it was not that profound. I was not sure what just happened. Time ran out and I had to leave and this tore me apart, should I stay and let someone else down or should I stick to my commitments and potentially pass on this opportunity. I panicked and left without asking for her number.
Well I cannot explain how I have felt since then but I managed to hunt this girl down and we have been hanging out for two weeks now and the truth is she took my breath away the first time I met her and I have had trouble breathing ever since. It was as if God was waiting for the perfect moment and I could only but imagine the smile on His face when this all happened.
I will be honest I had started to believe that the right girl was never going to come around or that God was angry with me. I had given Him reason to be so why not I guess. I had started to question if the desires in my heart were even form God or if that I had made them up. I had been lied to a lot and this confused me to the point that I was potentially going to accept defeat and live out the caged life. A tame existence. But this was not the way it was planned...clearly.
I have never felt so comfortable around a girl before. It has felt so natural and so right and to have someone who feels exactly the same way has been one of the most amazing experiences I have ever encountered. She has spoken into my soul into a place that only a woman can speak and she has started the healing process that only another soul can mend.
I also have realised that God made man......and then he made woman. They were not created together at the same time. There was something missing. It was incomplete and thus God created again. I know now that in order to know God more completely a man must search the heart of a woman to discover the parts of God that can only be found in a woman. I think when people say that God must be above all and thus a woman should not receive as much time is somewhat false. I think the very idea of searching the soul of a woman is in fact equivalent to searching for another part of the beauty of God. It cannot be found in another man and it cannot be found in anything else really.
I am however not saying that woman should be worshiped but rather that what makes her a woman should be revered. If we were to realise that God is in all things and created all things we would spend less time worrying about whether we are spending enough time with God and more time admiring his creation and being captivated by it.
The journey is still in the beginning phases and I know there will be challenges along the way but I also know that I can face them with this person, I know that this person can face them without being crushed, I know that God is the center of my life and the center my relationship and as I told her must be the center of hers, and so the list goes on.
I embrace the new changes and challenges and I put God fully in the center of it all. I think Him for the divine encounter that made this all possible and I thank Him for every situation and cross road that has brought me to this point.
In closing I have realised there is one thing that has changed me and will enable me to face many challenges. This is that I have much grace for other because of the grace that I have been given. To fully comprehend the grace God has given me makes me so humble and willing to provide grace.
Its a first blog in a while so I will be needing grace on this one.
Much Love
Dan
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