Today I was faced with a problem that really shows how small us humans are. I was faced with an issue with some of the designs in the project I am currently managing. Something which is invisible to the eye. It was something that I had no experience on and had to trust someone who was more experienced in the necessary area. He made some provision for my requirements but did not solve the issue. I was not aware that the problem was solved and today I was faced with the ramifications of what could happen if the structure had to fail due to excessive damage to the reinforcing structure. To me it stood for, "this whole structure is a fail".
I was then told that all we can do is wait and see if we collide with any reinforcing....... We did, three times, and we were not even finished with the first of 80 areas....... My heart skipped a beat and I felt like I failed and it was hard to think what we would do.
I felt so so SO small after this and I realised that no matter how important we think we are, we are all still only made from dust. We are seemingly insignificant when compared with all of God's creation. My humanness really showed today, I thought to myself what am I going to do, what can I do and thats when I realised that I don't have the answer, I don't have the knowledge. I am not qualified for the brainstorming for this problem, I need help...... This was a crazy realisation and something that I have been struggling with for a long time. I have an issue with trusting people and letting go of tasks and being able to let someone else take the lead on tasks. I sometimes don't even realise that I do this, but I do.
After hearing the bad news I was crushed and while basically moping around bumped into the civil engineer and he spoke to me and gave me some of the things we can do to manage the issues we will come across. He reassured me that he has never not completed a project and that the structure is not so bad and it is a far way from being a critical issue with expensive fixes.
I realised that there are many things in our lives that we are not good at and we still try to tackle them on our own. We become overwhelmed with things to do and parts of our lives that we need to fix..... The truth is we can't, but that does not mean we don't NEED to.
Something that has stuck with me ever since I became a christian is when a pastor was preaching on fear and how it has the ability to bind us and hold us back from our true potential. I was dealing with fear and with the help of God through the loving people around me to support me as well as push me, allowing me to make mistakes, get messy and grow, I was able to overcome that fear.
We make mistakes and we won't be able to fix it on our own, we will need support we will need encouragement and we will need to let go and let God take control and trust in His perfect plan and I have realised that this comes in many forms. Sometimes in the form of friends and family and other times in the form of complete strangers, three year old kids or even our pets. I look at the story of David's life in the Bible and I am blown away at how he did some pretty crazy things like killing Goliath and becoming a king and leading armies. He was a shepherd boy just doing what he knew how to do. He could sling stones and this gift from God was all it took to take down possibly the biggest man that ever lived. But David was not prepared to become a king and lead armies but with the help of God he did, he made mistakes and messed up pretty epically during his life but through it all he was honest with God and shared his life with God and for me his walk with God was a walk of a relationship.... there was joy, anger, praising, mourning, singing, crying.... this list goes on.
We need to be able to trust others, to trust in God's abilities and to know that we will come across problems and roadblocks and what makes the biggest statement is how we deal with them and where we get our strength from.
Live life humbly and boldly, with a clear perspective of who we are and what we are good at and to use that.
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