As my one month USA adventure come to an end I finally have the time to reflect.... while waiting for my plane. It seems crazy that 3 weeks ago I knew almost no one in the USA other than my colleagues and now I have met so many people, some of which have crept into my heart and made such a great impact. My heart is so filled with joy and a new song, a heart so crazily in love with God.
You will never be the same again...... a line from a song by Kim walker during a time of free worship. I believe the song is "How He loves us". I don't believe that we will ever feel more loved or more precious than when you are up close with God, so close that you are sharing one heartbeat, so close that even the quietest whisper would be heard by your heart. The gifts God has given me over the last few weeks are more precious than anything this world has to offer..... fellowship and will I ever be the same again? I don't believe so.
In case you are feeling a little confused, I shall confuse you even more. I am actually not one for making friends easily, I am really shy and nervous and I have huge insecurities which I deal with everyday.
I love to just sit down with someone and just chat. I recently had the really cool opportunity to do just that. We sat down and just talked, about life about ourselves and about the things in our lives that have made us the way we are. It was only then that I realised how much I missed that, how much of a difference that time of listening and sharing makes. For so long I have been forced to be more closed and to hold back and be more reserved. I don't want that, I want to be loud and I want to be flawed...
It hit me just then, I want to be ME. God created me the way I am and led me into the things I was led into and He was watching as everything that happened in my life happened and some of it hurt, some of it made me cry, some of it made me incredibly confused and some of it even made me dislike me. I know now that that small portion of my life that I dislike is a portion of my life that I hide the most carefully. I hide it because I am embarrassed by it. I hide it cause I feel like I'm a failure and that people will judge me.... but from my experience I have come to realise that we all have problems and we all have issues and we all have made mistakes and we all have doors we keep locked.
I have found that these doors have quite a dark entrance, they are really well hidden, we hide them from others and we hide them from God, even though thats not possible. The crazy thing is that if we hide them for long enough we even forget where the door is and then we have this darkness and we don't even know where its coming from. God still knows where this door is and He can still light up this door but if you and God are not really on talking terms then the only person who can help you find that door and illuminate the entrance so you can see the door and open it. Yes God can show you the door and give you all the light you will require to see the door and find the key, but you still have to be the one who opens it and allows God and other people in. Only you can allow that. Its hard and it hurts like hell but YOU have to do it.
I'm sorry for going so far off track but this is what I realised over last few week. I saw so many people doing what they should be doing and being at church and singing all the songs and knowing all the verses but do they actually know God. Have they allowed themselves to be broken enough to meet Him, have they been desperate enough that they had to find comfort in Him. I don't know the heart of man but if just one person is living without actually meeting God then I want to show them who God is and what He does. I know only a small part of what he can do and mostly only what He has done for me, but if this is what it takes for these people to meet God and allow Him in then I will be there and I will tell them all I know about Him.
I want to show people what God has done for me and what God does for others even though they may not realise it or even see it. Sometimes we need to let light into places to see what God is doing everyday.
God has blessed me with more love than what I can comprehend but I sometimes don't know what to do with it or how to use it. I want to share it but my own thoughts and trials and tribulations make me careful and calculating and cautious. I want to love without this fear, without worrying about what others think of me and without being held back by the past. I want to share a fresh and exciting love.
Sharing the love one small gesture at a time, every gesture all the time, gestures made for all of time.
You will never be the same again...... a line from a song by Kim walker during a time of free worship. I believe the song is "How He loves us". I don't believe that we will ever feel more loved or more precious than when you are up close with God, so close that you are sharing one heartbeat, so close that even the quietest whisper would be heard by your heart. The gifts God has given me over the last few weeks are more precious than anything this world has to offer..... fellowship and will I ever be the same again? I don't believe so.
In case you are feeling a little confused, I shall confuse you even more. I am actually not one for making friends easily, I am really shy and nervous and I have huge insecurities which I deal with everyday.
I love to just sit down with someone and just chat. I recently had the really cool opportunity to do just that. We sat down and just talked, about life about ourselves and about the things in our lives that have made us the way we are. It was only then that I realised how much I missed that, how much of a difference that time of listening and sharing makes. For so long I have been forced to be more closed and to hold back and be more reserved. I don't want that, I want to be loud and I want to be flawed...
It hit me just then, I want to be ME. God created me the way I am and led me into the things I was led into and He was watching as everything that happened in my life happened and some of it hurt, some of it made me cry, some of it made me incredibly confused and some of it even made me dislike me. I know now that that small portion of my life that I dislike is a portion of my life that I hide the most carefully. I hide it because I am embarrassed by it. I hide it cause I feel like I'm a failure and that people will judge me.... but from my experience I have come to realise that we all have problems and we all have issues and we all have made mistakes and we all have doors we keep locked.
I have found that these doors have quite a dark entrance, they are really well hidden, we hide them from others and we hide them from God, even though thats not possible. The crazy thing is that if we hide them for long enough we even forget where the door is and then we have this darkness and we don't even know where its coming from. God still knows where this door is and He can still light up this door but if you and God are not really on talking terms then the only person who can help you find that door and illuminate the entrance so you can see the door and open it. Yes God can show you the door and give you all the light you will require to see the door and find the key, but you still have to be the one who opens it and allows God and other people in. Only you can allow that. Its hard and it hurts like hell but YOU have to do it.
I'm sorry for going so far off track but this is what I realised over last few week. I saw so many people doing what they should be doing and being at church and singing all the songs and knowing all the verses but do they actually know God. Have they allowed themselves to be broken enough to meet Him, have they been desperate enough that they had to find comfort in Him. I don't know the heart of man but if just one person is living without actually meeting God then I want to show them who God is and what He does. I know only a small part of what he can do and mostly only what He has done for me, but if this is what it takes for these people to meet God and allow Him in then I will be there and I will tell them all I know about Him.
I want to show people what God has done for me and what God does for others even though they may not realise it or even see it. Sometimes we need to let light into places to see what God is doing everyday.
God has blessed me with more love than what I can comprehend but I sometimes don't know what to do with it or how to use it. I want to share it but my own thoughts and trials and tribulations make me careful and calculating and cautious. I want to love without this fear, without worrying about what others think of me and without being held back by the past. I want to share a fresh and exciting love.
Sharing the love one small gesture at a time, every gesture all the time, gestures made for all of time.
Dani D
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