Seeds of doubt in fields of encouragement

Im not quite sure how to start this one as I have so much to say. I guess I have a fair amount of experience in the department of doubt. I also however have a wonderful family who did their best to raise me and ensure that I had everything I need. I have great friends who have walked a long journey of self discovery with me, have been a shoulder to cry on, a trusting soul to confide in and an abundance of encouragement and even of late a wonderful, beautiful talented girlfriend that blows me away. Then why is there still this feeling of doubt that frequents my mind.

When I was about 18 months old I apparently decided that I would just leave home. I lived on a farm at this time and the story goes that I just walked out the yard and started to walk down the gravel road towards the farmlands. I was later picked up by a farmer who then drove around the neighborhood looking for the owners of the stray child. I always wonder what caused me to decide that this was a good idea. I guess Ill never know...just thought Id share some useless information.

Then came primary school where I spent most of my life in the school clinic. Later I was moved to a school that I never fitted into from the get go. I was in grade three and felt like I was alone in the world. I ran towards the only thing I knew, art. I consumed myself in it. I found purpose and comfort in it. I used it as a hideout. I remember have a few friends but I never let them in closer than an arms length.

High school.....mmmm at this point I decided I needed to make a change but what?
I moved to another school and decided to try and start over. Well this worked for a while, I guess I was fooling myself, by grade 10 I was the top student and remained there for the remainder of my high school career. What had I done I had merely moved from one obsession to another. I had some friends but again an arms length.

Before the school life ended I made another decision, I moved to something else. I tasted alcohol on a grand scale. I felt accepted by people I was able to leave the real me behind and be the carefree, and careless me that I had been secretly craving for a long time.

I was told many things during the course of the first 19 years of my life, things like, you are stupid, you don't have any friends, you are alone, you are not worth anything, you are not wanted, you are not normal, you are damaged, you were a mistake, you are not who you think you are. So much confusion, so much deception, so much DOUBT.

Where did all this doubt come from? How did it become such a massive problem.
I started to think about a field ready to plant, the soil is all churned up and fertile. I imagine the planter to be quite excited to plant all the seeds he has acquired but like many of us we are not sure what we plant. We don't know what it is supposed to look like when it grows. I have planed many seeds in my garden with the preconception that since I planted the seeds there that anything that grows there is what I had planted and because I am none the wiser about what the plant should look like I let the seedlings grow.
Well some of those seedlings are not what I wanted to grow but rather they are weeds. I let them grow big and strong and eventually I figure out that this is not what I had intended to grow at all. I had just cultivated weeds. So immediately I pull them out and plant something else. These weeds by this stage have already thrown seeds.... You can imagine where this is going. Anyone who has done some gardening knows that to get rid of weeds once they have multiplied is one hell of a job.

I think this is very much like the doubt in my life. It all starts off with a little lie like you are the reason your parents got married because you were conceived out of wedlock. Seems justifiable to a child. Instead of realising that this is in fact a lie from the pit of hell you leave it to grow. Maybe you don't know its a lie cause you don't know about Gods plan and that its perfect and that everything is part of plan A. I mean I never got to decide to get born to those parents. I never had a say. Well this lie starts to grow and spreads its seeds and next thing you look and you are considering taking your own life because you don't feel like you belong and that if you were to be gone everything would be better....... ITS A LIE!!!!!!
This type of thinking is not so easy to rid yourself of because it has contaminated your mind and your heart and no amount of "You are loved and wanted and loved" can repair that damage.

It goes without saying that I was a pretty messed up teenager and I had some pretty dark thoughts coursing through my brain. There were other situations causing me to think about other things that if I had known the truth would have been pulled out before they had the change to establish themselves. I was confused about life and what role I had in it, I had no self worth and this led to me being drawn any which way the wind blew. A dangerous place to be for anyone let alone a teenager who's hormones are running a mock.

I had eventually basically given up the plot and abandoned the field. I was overwhelmed and seeked ways to avoid the chaos of weeds. It was shortly after this, at the age of 20, I met the reason I was born, I met the reason I was still alive, I met the reason I was worthy. I met God. Face to face and I was captivated.

I still remember the weeks after the encounter, it was magical and nothing in the world was bothering me and all seemed pretty perfect. But God had another plan. He sent me back into the field that I had let become overcome by weeds and he started to make me pull them out. I started with the obvious ones.....my drinking addiction, my lying, my masking of myself.....it was a terrible time because I had to face things that I had bottled many years ago and hid in a room in my heart and shut the door, removed the door handle and then plastered over it. It was gone. But God has this way of looking from the inside out and He would say: "Daniel have you looked here? Do you remember this? What are you hiding in there?" Its a typical fall of mankind type of situation....Adam, why are you hiding?

Well I have been pulling stuff out for the last 8 years and still I find things that are huge I would pull it out and think, that's it its gone but sure enough it rears its ugly head again and again. I keep pulling and each time I realise sooner and sooner and eventually Im pulling out the weeds before they have the chance to germinate. Much of my life is free from the bondage's I allowed to be placed into. There is still much more resolve but the truth is its a process and depending on the severity of the situation it can be quite a lengthy one at that.

Don't ever think that for one minute that someone else will pull out these weeds and that they will all magically go away or that there is an easier way. I am quite an avid gardener and I know from experience that the best way is to pull them out. Its hard work and it hurts but the rewards are far beyond your wildest dreams.

I leave you with this: Never stop seeking the best version of you that you can be. But to know what the best version of you is you need to meet with and build a relationship with the one who created you. The one who gave you a purpose and a calling. Keep pulling out the weeds in your life and replace them with good seeds and before you know it you will have a beautiful place where you will find peace and restoration.

Much love

Dani D

The TRUE Artist

What defines an artist? When I was younger I believed that an artist was someone who paints, draws, sculpts.....
When asked what I do I usually said that I am an engineer...and an artist. But when thinking about this statement I have realised that there are many more different types of artists and there is an art-form in everything.

I would like to be bold and say that everyone is an artist. I know this is sometimes used to get people to try out something artsy but I mean that everyone is an artist just the way they are in the jobs they have and the things they do.
I would be so bold as to say that there is little difference in the work of Michaelangelo and your standard housewife cooking a delicous meal......except that Michaelangelo is famous and a few other things...

The reality is that we were all created by a creative God. The same amazing God who created the universe and all the stars and planets and well this planet... in all of its beauty and mystery.

Imagine with me for a moment of a world without any creativeness. I imagine for one we would all look the same and most likely we would be blobs that were placed on a bigger blob and we just sat there and did nothing. All of this  of course would be created in most likely 1 colour or maybe even just in black. I struggle to believe that from what I see everyday: every sunset, every flower, every new child, that we were created by something without any creativity.

And as a result of a creative and generous God we were created with a desire to create and to beautify. I watched a four year old girl, last weekend, put make up on and the very first question I was asked was: "Am I pretty?" she wanted to look beautiful.....she did however need to work on her skills and at four I guess that's okay haha. She put lipstick on like it was meant to make your lips bigger......much bigger.

I then started to think that even the way I ran the trail run is a creative process. I run up one way and another a different way or on a different path. We both ran the same race but we did it uniquely.

I love to run as fast as I can on the downhill sections of the race. I think this is because there is a substantial reduction in the energy required to do so. I can tell you however that this comes at a price. There is a level of focus required that is beyond day to day activity. Every step could be life threatening. Every decision could lead to much pain if not implemented correctly. With each step choices are made and around each and every corner new challenges have to be faced and creativity is needed to determine the best path to take. Without this ability you would make the same mistakes a million times and well if it was the wrong one you would suffer much pain.

Many other skills also require much creativity as well but also another factor is added. This factor is added when activities are performed in groups. Working as a team. Seems simple enough but if your style of playing or working or even your ideas clash with the rest of the team the results can be unpleasant and harsh. This is a factor of community working together and allowing each other to be creative but to understand that this is more than the typical me, myself and I. It too is beautiful and also amplifies the beauty of creating.

I think to an orchestra of musicians, an amazingly talented bunch of people, but if they don't work together as a creative unit then it would most likely make dogs howl. I expect slightly worse than white noise.

I have been educated in the world of synchronised swimming, creativity is key in determining how you will achieve the various seemingly impossible stunts. I still am in awe of some of the things that can be possible when a bunch of people work together to achieve something great.
If you want to see something amazing have a look at this video of some Russian swimmers who destroyed the competition: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoREoyljgQQ

I may be a bit biased on the topic of synchronised swimming. Not for this discussion tho =b

I have also been introduced to another form of creativity that I never knew could be considered an art-form. Its called love. I have met a girl and she makes me want to be more creative in the way I share stories with her, or the gifts I bring when I visit, when I think of things we can do together or things she enjoys doing or how I can get to spend as much time with her as possible....without being considered a stalker, haha. I think that I could quite comfortably say that this desire to be creative comes from a passion. A passion to love, a passion to run, a passion to paint, to do the impossible.... a God given passion. 

So all of us are budding artists and we don't even realise it. Don't let people tell you you are not creative or that what you do is not important or beautiful. I love that God used His creativity to make all of us different and I say you should embrace that. Use it expand it and you will be blessed 10 fold by it.

So in closing I say: "Go out and  create and in the process change the world, make it more beautiful and most of all make it your own."

Be blessed

Love Dani

Boy actually meets girl

So its been like 2+ years or so since the last post and what an adventure the last while has been. I have since moved back home bought a home settled into staying in one spot for more than 1 month....
I left Germany with passion and dreams and goals and a desire. I will however say that many of these things were far easier to talk about than to implement. Things tend to change in three years. The church I loved, the people I loved, the places I loved.

I arrived back to a place that I called home and yet I knew so few people. Many friendships grew apart while others had changed due to the challenges of marriage and children...the normal process of life....why was I so far behind? Why did it seem like I was the only one. Did I even really want that. I started to wonder if I had made the right decision. I thought to myself what have I done. I gave up everything yet again to start over again.

I decided to take a deep breath and embrace change once again. I started to dare to step out and move into something new and be grateful for the small things that had not changed. I still loved the ocean and I still loved Jesus.....that seemed like more than enough haha.

I have spent the last 19 months rediscovering myself: my passions, my calling, the desires of my heart. There is so much and Im sure I will eventually get to tell you all about it later but for now I want to tell you about how I met the girl that turned my world upside down.

Before I left for Germany I decided to turn off the emotions related to dating. I turned it off like I turn off a switch I guess and I quite successfully managed to navigate the entire 3 year stay emotionally free. Well when I got back home I realised that this was both good and bad. I had been out of a relationship for over 5 years when I got back so it was like starting over...the good thing. But what I had not factored into the equation was that this switch needed to be turned back on.

There were many realisations that occurred after this. For one I figured out that I was in pursuit of the perfect girl and that I was doing this because I knew that such a girl does not exist and so eliminating any chances of meeting anyone. Another thing that was very obvious was that I had become very independent and thus became very selfish. With all my travels and no responsibility from a relational perspective I basically only cared about myself. This was the most dangerous of all the issues created by my time alone. This needed fixing.

Well I will say there was also a lot of good that came from it all. It was not all doom and gloom. I was much more confident and more forward and I was able to communicate very clearly what I needed to communicate and was far less nervous and afraid of what she thinks or what if she does not like me. I realised that being open and forward clarified how she felt really quickly. I had a few interests but these were very one sided and never really amounted to anything.

This was the case until about two weeks ago. I was invited to a party and I was not interested in going to. On the day of the party I bumped into the person who had invited me and basically I was taken on a guilt trip and ended up at the party....but as a Mexican (This is a long story so I will not elaborate). In fact I was the only person dressed as a Mexican. So while I was sitting chatting to one of my friends I was interrupted by a girl who merely wanted to compliment me on my outfit. At this point I had become quite comfortable with the idea that I was dressed like everyone else so there was a moment of confusion. When I turned to look at her I realised that I was staring at a girl that I had to get to know. I cannot tell you why or how I knew this. It was a gut feeling. So I faced my fear and started to attempt to hold a conversation. It worked and she eventually sat at our table.

I remember being completely captivated by her every word even if it was not that profound. I was not sure what just happened. Time ran out and I had to leave and this tore me apart, should I stay and let someone else down or should I stick to my commitments and potentially pass on this opportunity. I panicked and left without asking for her number.

Well I cannot explain how I have felt since then but I managed to hunt this girl down and we have been hanging out for two weeks now and the truth is she took my breath away the first time I met her and I have had trouble breathing ever since. It was as if God was waiting for the perfect moment and I could only but imagine the smile on His face when this all happened.

I will be honest I had started to believe that the right girl was never going to come around or that God was angry with me. I had given Him reason to be so why not I guess. I had started to question if the desires in my heart were even form God or if that I had made them up. I had been lied to a lot and this confused me to the point that I was potentially going to accept defeat and live out the caged life. A tame existence. But this was not the way it was planned...clearly.

I have never felt so comfortable around a girl before. It has felt so natural and so right and to have someone who feels exactly the same way has been one of the most amazing experiences I have ever encountered. She has spoken into my soul into a place that only a woman can speak and she has started the healing process that only another soul can mend.

I also have realised that God made man......and then he made woman. They were not created together at the same time. There was something missing. It was incomplete and thus God created again. I know now that in order to know God more completely a man must search the heart of a woman to discover the parts of God that can only be found in a woman. I think when people say that God must be above all and thus a woman should not receive as much time is somewhat false. I think the very idea of searching the soul of a woman is in fact equivalent to searching for another part of the beauty of God. It cannot be found in another man and it cannot be found in anything else really.

I am however not saying that woman should be worshiped but rather that what makes her a woman should be revered. If we were to realise that God is in all things and created all things we would spend less time worrying about whether we are spending enough time with God and more time admiring his creation and being captivated by it.

The journey is still in the beginning phases and I know there will be challenges along the way but I also know that I can face them with this person, I know that this person can face them without being crushed, I know that God is the center of my life and the center my relationship and as I told her must be the center of hers, and so the list goes on.

I embrace the new changes and challenges and I put God fully in the center of it all. I think Him for the divine encounter that made this all possible and I thank Him for every situation and cross road that has brought me to this point.

In closing I have realised there is one thing that has changed me and will enable me to face many challenges. This is that I have much grace for other because of the grace that I have been given. To fully comprehend the grace God has given me makes me so humble and willing to provide grace.

Its a first blog in a while so I will be needing grace on this one.

Much Love
Dan

Dearest Madiba

I don't know how to start to share my gratitude to such a person as you. You have shared so many agonizing moments with us, so many battles for us, suffered for the love of one thing........South Africa
Not the land but the people. Not for black or white or any other nationality but for the unity of so many nations that make up this home we call South Africa.

You have over the years become a hero for many people and for me. You have shown us forgiveness beyond measure, humility unheard of, sacrifice God strengthened. You were not perfect but it was hard not to think that way. You showed this nation and the world that change does not have to take centuries, does not require massive bloodshed or even the onset of war.

You have shown me what it means to be free to be equal and you gave us back our humanity and our conscience. It is far from over but what has been achieved in the past 19 years laughed at in its conception. You had a vision and a dream and a spirit that would not settle for second best. I admire that about you. 
You gave me something to strive for and something not only to achieve but to surpass. 

Its so amazing how we take things for grantid until they are taken away from us, ripped from our grasp. You are now gone and will be missed and I pray that your dream will be continued and that South Africa would become a lamp for the world. That we would put aside the pride and the selfish behavior and work together to bring equality in its truest sense that we all work together and that we support each other and care for each other. That those who are oppressed, hurt and cast away be welcomed into the family that is South Africa. I pray that one day we would treat fellow man as a brother and not someone to compete against. This is a bold and crazy prayer but it is my dream and I hope that together with the help of many others that this will be achieved.

There was never going to be a good day to say goodbye and it was never going to be easy but the time came and many hearts will mourn and many will reflect on the beautiful person you were. May we all learn from your wisdom and instead of just making a good speech but also work and work hard towards a unified and peaceful nation. 

You were a great leader, a wise teacher, a humble servant and a hope for a desperate nation. You have shown us the way but we will have to take the next step and the one after that in order to find true freedom. We have but a taste how much greater the fruits of freedom will be.

My heart aches and with tear filled eyes I bid thee farewell. May we meet again and may that be a day of much rejoicing and may I get to say thank you in person. God truly blessed this nation with a leader.

uyindoda emadodeni

Love Daniel

Clearing out the cob webs and keeping it clean!!!!

Good evening to those of you who share the same timezone as me.

This topic has been on my mind for quite some time now but I just was not sure why and today I received the missing puzzle piece which makes it all make sense. I was recently, the last three months, not really at home much. In total it could have added up to three weeks but most likely less. This was also not a constant three weeks either, rather a few days her an afternoon there. When this happens cleaning is not the first thing that comes to mind. And after the three month period I had realised I still had not cleaned up and upon closer inspection I found cobwebs and enough dust to make an item of clothing out of it. This is when I get very motivated and do a complete clean. It is however an all day ordeal and is quite hard work.

I noticed this was the same problem in my personal life, I had people who had said something to hurt me and I just left it undealt with, there were people I had hurt and I ran from the confrontation, and then there are those people who just need an explanation and some feedback and I would avoid them like the plague.

One such situation was between me and my boss, there was some misunderstandings and some long overdue items which I was responsible for. I had recently finished them but failed to report this properly to him. Id like to call all the occurrences over the last few weeks a series of unfortunate events as things were completed but just not shown somewhere. However my boss is a very forward guy who loves confrontation and is all about sharing his opinion. Me....not so much. So what happened was that he voiced his opinion in an email and I ran for the hills......ok it was not that drastic but nevertheless I avoided his office, hoping it would just go away I guess.

These situations are much like the uncleaned house because after a while these areas start to form cobwebs. Yes he may let this one slide or merely forget to follow up on it because its a small item, but sooner or later you will make another mistake, forget something, misinterpret something and then not only do the past memories of poor communication come up, so do all the emotions behind them because they were not dealt with. This happened to me two days ago and my boss scheduled a meeting for the same day for employee discipline, the next unfortunate event was that I was not in the office.....how stupid and ashamed I felt when I got back into the office that evening and saw that meeting notification. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear. But I knew what I had to do so I rescheduled it with some comments/excuses for why I missed it and then basically sucked it up, took a deep breath and sent it out.

Yesterday I had the meeting and it was tough, I had to hear the things I need to work on, and the things that I have failed at. Its never easy to hear one's weaknesses.

It was a hard thing to discuss and it hurt at times, not that he attacked me intentionally but we are emotional beings and sometimes past experiences make you your sensitive to certain things...anyway what I want to get at is that after that conversation we could both smile laugh a bit and I left his office and said thank you. It was a clearing out of the cobwebs. Yes the past experiences will still probably come up but at least it will not have behind it all the emotions which were not dealt with. I am glad tio have a boss who is so forward and confrontational because I am not one of those people and I can learn so much from him.

Another relationship that so often suffers from the same cobwebs is the relationship between us and God, we do things we know are wrong and then we try and hide it from God, we hide from God and we tell ourselves it will go away. God loves us in a way that we will never be able to comprehend but this does not mean that the relationship can be a one sided deal. Relationships take effort and openness from both sides. We cannot expect our relationship with God to grow when we are hiding from Him. We need to admit the things we do and talk about them and ask for forgiveness and I will say that at times I find it very beneficial to speak out loud, I find it helps make it more tangible.

So even in our private lives we need to do the same clean up and this is hard but the results far outweigh the little of discomfort that you will have to endure.

So in conclusion I have learnt yesterday that communication is very very VERY important in any relationship, dont wait for things to come to you but rather tackle them head on and be bold and brave and confront the monsters in the closet, and above all things love is what makes relationships meaningful....so do it =)

Its never how hard you work or how many things you, cause as human beings we will fail eventually at something, rather live a life of openness with God and the people around you.

Live, Love, Laugh

Much love Danny

Adventures in a Southern sun

What a journey!!! Is it not so great to get back from a holiday and reminisce, all the adventure, danger, adrenaline,  the crazy we do,  laughter, amazement, the moments, being away, being truly alive.

I just returned from a holiday in Zambia,Africa!!!! haha, its still a more tame part of the continent but none the less it was time for an adventure and an adventure was waiting..... 

It was a time to work through a number of firsts, those things that you are afraid of, those things that you say you will do but never get around to them, those things that dare you, stare you square in the face, that take your breath away, that free you r soul.

I have never been in another African country other than the one I was born in, South Africa, it was time to see what I sometimes call, Deepest Darkest Africa!!! My first first.

It was a strange feeling arriving in a country where you are clearly different, and things work very differently. I stuck out like a sore thumb, ok slightly less sore than that the group of Americans who were also travelling there on holiday =b 

Next first, leaping of a bridge. Who was the crazy person that decided that this is a good idea to throw ones self off a bridge with an elastic band attached to you legs and well......hope for the best. I have a borderline chronic fear of heights, I avoid the open side of stairwells; walking on open grid platforms; and generally when the ground is that far away, looking down. Nevertheless I was going to do it. I still remember vividly the moment when I had to step on the platform, the focus it required to not look down, the week knees, the loss of vocabulary, and the constant talking, even if it did not make sense.

The moment where MK, the jump operator, started counting down was one of utter terror, I was going to do it, I was going to jump, there was no turning back, no backing out, I was on the edge and just a push away from a few seconds of free falling, and to add to this I decided I should hold a video cam to record this face of absolute terror all the way down, what the flip haha. Five, four, three, two, one, ...... BUNGEE. 

Next was the gorge swing, about the same but this time the rope has no stretch and you basically free fall till just before the water and then the rope catches you and swings you out over the river. This happened approximately 10 minutes after the bungee. Yes the terror was still very fresh and the amount of will power required to make the second jump...... I cannot explain in words what the video so perfectly shows. I even shouted at MK. Needless to say he basically pushed me off the bridge just to get rid of me haha. 

I will never forget what a life changing experience that was, it made me realise how fragile life really is but how to truly live involves risk, involves fear, involves the unknown. 

Thankfully I was treated with a less gut wrenching next first, I was able to meet with the great Victoria Falls, 110 meters high, 1700 meters wide and 500 milion cubic meters per minute, thats 500 million tons.

The sight is breathe taking, the roar is incredible and the water spray is comparable to a monsoon. I found myself placed in the shoes of sir David Livingstone, standing in front of an African beauty in complete awe. 

It was a good day.

Next on the agenda, a canoe trip down the great Zambezi river. A river riddled with crocodiles and hippos, the most dangerous animal in Africa, and we were going to try our luck for three days. Needless to say we had a team of very well trained guides, more than enough food, a couple of tents, some cooking equipment and a spade... the spade was a toilet making machine. Funny enough that was not a first for me.....probably some overshare but anyway. 

Never have I felt more alive, more aware of God's incredible creation, and never had I gained such respect of it. It was a journey filled with many memories which when put together make an experience few ever have the daring nature to take on. Here are some of the moments we shared:

Feeling the warm African sun....in winter

Catching a bit of a snooze, adventures are tough work

An incredibly close encounter with the biggest land mammal in the world. Only five meters away, I was nervous to say the least. But in the end I could have stayed and watched him until he wanted to move.

Swimming with the hippos and crocs seemed like a good idea

Sunsets and rises that cannot be equaled easily. One of the greatest things to watch, a perfect way to start and end each day.

Angry hippos are something to be feared and respected. We were lucky to have only lost a canoe. These creatures are incredibly powerful and flung the boat in the air like it was made of paper. But as with all adventures there is risk involved and this sometimes equals danger. 

Some fun with a torch

Our group being silly and just portraying the moments we enjoyed.

Another incredible African creature, so formidable that a single lion will step down to him.  

Me and my favorite tree... the baobab in all its monstrosity and obscurity.

These are just a snippet of a journey that I will never forget. A journey that solidified my love for Africa and made me proud to call my self an African. God created so much beauty but the only way we will see it is if we get off our buts and take a look. There is so much to see and so many beautiful moments we are blessed with, lets make the most of them....before they run out.

Voetstoots

So today I thought I start the day off telling you about some good old South African slang.

Voetstoots – This is a car that is sold as is. You buy the car and if it breaks down as you are driving it out of the driveway of the previous owner it does not matter you bought it……. AS IS. There are no refunds, no warrantee, no money back guarantee.

This is similar to our lives. We, all being human have, in one way or another, these special conditions when venturing into relationships. All of us have issues, sometimes easily visible like rust on a car, the unsightly indication that work will be required. But there are also the not so visible problems, excessive wear on the engine, no routine maintenance, bad repair jobs.  These defaults will not present themselves initially, but at one point or another they will become visible, during routine check-ups, when you are late for an important occasion or half way through your road trip across country. We too have both visible and invisible or hidden problems. We too are holding secrets, withholding the truth. Not just a select few either…. ALL of us.

The funny thing is that even though we all have these issues and unlike cars we can mention them, we don’t. We hide it and hope that no one will notice, our pride, our jealousy, or insecurity …

Today I will mention a few of mine; I'm a very shy guy who is at times insecure about his abilities, feels the need to seek acceptance. I talk too much, I hold onto pain and anger for too long, I bottle all my emotions and I am easily influenced by others.

There is something about being vulnerable and open that it quite freeing, be it the fact that you feel less like you have to hide or that you have come to that point that you able to be open with yourself and your own faults and limitations. We all need to do a bit of repair and maintenance every now and then, and if you are not an expert then best you tell an expert what the problem is and let Him help.

But back to the main story, what I was getting at was that we are all pretty much the way we are and we all come as is. So what about relationships? What happens when you enter into a relationship, either friendship or dating….. what happens then? We still hide the faults… in fact sometimes we even do a better job at the hiding. I remember a time when I never let someone into my house when it was messy… I always cleaned up just before people arrived putting on this illusion that I was a very clean person. Well, I'm not, and I don't see a massive change in the near future haha.

I remember when a friend of mine and me started running every day along the beachfront in Summerstrand. He would always end up coming in and having a cuppa coffee or just a chat. I kept up the cleanliness for a while but soon the inevitable happened… I slipped up, I missed the dishes, something I really hate doing. He came into the kitchen and I cringed, but he said nothing. What was I hiding from? I started to relax and eventually I just left the place as is, I showed up as is. One day while I was making him coffee I heard the water running and next thing I knew he was washing my dishes…… That was so embarrassing and difficult for me to deal with. I asked him to please stop and let me do it and his response I will never forget. He said: “ Please Daniel, I come here everyday and drink coffee in your house and dirty your cups, I come here and you are so hospitable, let me do this for you.” We it was more like, I'm doing this!!!!! Haha

What just happened? A light turned on and it was bright. I realized for the first time that in our brokenness and in that voetstoots state we allow others the opportunity to bless us, to show us kindness and most of the time to return that favor. I will never forget that act of kindness for as long as I live

If we put on this mask of perfection we limit our ability to be vulnerable and humility goes out the window. Without humility pride pops in and that’s when the wheels fall off.

I continue to strive to be open with the people I care about, to share with them who I am, as much I know of who I am. I seek deeper relationships with those people and hopefully over time we can bless each other in our openness and honesty with ourselves.

5 years ago that problem list would have been much much longer. God has revealed so many things to me where I was completely unaware that it was an issue. It’s never nice to have your faults told to you but when done in love and accepted in humility the effects can be unbelievable. I value any friend who is brave enough to be honest with me and who is kind enough to tell me where I can do better and what I should be careful of. I have many of such friends and I value and treasure them. I hope to also be such a friend that can be honest when an honest answer is required even if it would be tough to hear.

Lastly living with other human beings is messy and we all have our own issues and work through these issues at our own pace. We will rub each other the wrong way, we will have good and bad days, we will fight and argue and shout and scream, but if we allow each other the space to be us, look upon others issues with humility and act in love we can all wear the as is stickers and still learn so much from the journey.

Love you guys

Dani D