Yesterday was quite a strange day considering I only woke up at 2 pm had a shower in the morning and then proceeded to clean my apartment and do the laundry both of which seemed like mammoth tasks... they still aren't finished haha. I went for a cuppa coffee with a friend later that very short day, I loved it as we chatted and laughed and at times got quite vocal. It was short but rather entertaining, then there was the great rush home to Skype with a very special friend and how inspiring that was.... WOW. It was such a fun time, talking, whispering, laughing till it hurt, skyping upside down (not as easy as it looks), talks of adventures and dreams, all seasoned with the joy of the Lord, and then the 15 minute goodbye. Then there was the rush to get some supper/dinner and the walk home with the sun pretty much down and the lights of the town slowly turning on and off as shops close and clubs and bars open. There I was thinking about how my life in Germany had become quite routine and structured and stagnant. I looked around me and decided I was going to do something.....
I looked around and said to myself what have I wanted to do but never actually done, so I rushed home picked up a spoon and an iced tea and went back the park close to my house, sat there and ate my food there. It was so beautiful, I had a few ducks watching me while I was eating and a few strangers walk by, some young people dancing uncontrollably, and as the sun faded away into darkness I realised that even though I may be in a place that screams routine and rules I am my own person, I am unique and an individual and I can be whoever I want to be... within the bounds of the law =b
With the same breath I have to say that routine is good and cultivates a healthy life that strengthens endurance and perseverance, that keeps the heart and mind in check and keeps one grounded in God. But that's not all there is. that's not all God wants for us, that not all God has for us. He has an adventure, a crazy place where you will be stretched to the end of your limits and then some: Build a giant boat, lead a nation into the desert, fight a giant, be swallowed by a whale, and even walk on water. I am not saying we will all have a calling that leads an entire nation or saves one. We may just work in a chick-fill-a as a teller or as a cleaner. God uses every willing heart, humble enough to say yes please, I want me somma that =)
The beauty of new experiences and unique moments are more precious than we care to even consider in our daily life. They scare us and confuse us and as there is so often awkwardness and so many of us run from that. I have run from that for as long as I can remember and always playing it safe and never stepping out and taking a chance, making a mistake, a new friend, an embarrassing act, finding love, or meeting rejection, learning to do something new, or realising that it will never be.
Today I shared my feelings with someone, I took a chance, I became vulnerable and I stepped out of my comfort zone, I am a man of written words, a man who dreams of what he wants to say, someone who would much rather hide behind the paper. I will not always say the right things, I will not always make sense, I will not always know what to say but if you never try you will never learn. I have come to know this and respect this and I try to share verbally where I can. Too many things are left unspoken, left unwritten, left unexpressed and lost to the frailty of the mind. Let your heart share what it will and share your heart without compromise.
I have decided to look forward more and backwards less as I want to see where I am going and go where the heart desires not look back at what has conspired and look at what others have done and then try to fit in. I was not made in a mold, I was not created like your favorite superhero... over and over again. There is but one and every second of my life that I try to fit in the mold society created for me I waste. Every moment I am being someone other than that who God created me to be I am wasting. Every breath I take and words come out contrary to what I believe, I am wasting. I know this may seem harsh but sometimes the truth is that way. And don't get me wrong I do my fair share of wasting.
So say what you need to say and do what your heart desires, it may be scary and it may be crazy and foolish but if everyone played it safe we would never have been able to see the stars as closely as we can, we would never have been able to understand the changing of the seasons, we would never have thought that the world was flat nor proof that is was not, we would never have traveled to distant lands, we will never find the cure for cancer, we will never find a lost people, save a lost nation, feed the hungry, meet God and find freedom.
It all starts where you are right there right now at this very moment. It wont be easy and it may take years to find that place that distant place in your heart that shares your deepest desires, that place caged by society. Find it and when you truly seek you will be surprised what what you will find. Don't just dream it... live it.
I feel like I have said what I need to say today but its not over, tomorrow is near and filled with so much more opportunity, another 86400 seconds..........
I feel that so many people can live an entire life and never live one day, while others can live only a single day and have lived a full life.
And in the words of a very wise man, okay maybe not so wise, James Dean "dream as you will live forever but live as this is your last day."
"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be" - Marcel Pagnol
So there you have it more love and hopefully wisdom from that guy.
Love Dani D
As my one month USA adventure come to an end I finally have the time to reflect.... while waiting for my plane. It seems crazy that 3 weeks ago I knew almost no one in the USA other than my colleagues and now I have met so many people, some of which have crept into my heart and made such a great impact. My heart is so filled with joy and a new song, a heart so crazily in love with God.
You will never be the same again...... a line from a song by Kim walker during a time of free worship. I believe the song is "How He loves us". I don't believe that we will ever feel more loved or more precious than when you are up close with God, so close that you are sharing one heartbeat, so close that even the quietest whisper would be heard by your heart. The gifts God has given me over the last few weeks are more precious than anything this world has to offer..... fellowship and will I ever be the same again? I don't believe so.
In case you are feeling a little confused, I shall confuse you even more. I am actually not one for making friends easily, I am really shy and nervous and I have huge insecurities which I deal with everyday.
I love to just sit down with someone and just chat. I recently had the really cool opportunity to do just that. We sat down and just talked, about life about ourselves and about the things in our lives that have made us the way we are. It was only then that I realised how much I missed that, how much of a difference that time of listening and sharing makes. For so long I have been forced to be more closed and to hold back and be more reserved. I don't want that, I want to be loud and I want to be flawed...
It hit me just then, I want to be ME. God created me the way I am and led me into the things I was led into and He was watching as everything that happened in my life happened and some of it hurt, some of it made me cry, some of it made me incredibly confused and some of it even made me dislike me. I know now that that small portion of my life that I dislike is a portion of my life that I hide the most carefully. I hide it because I am embarrassed by it. I hide it cause I feel like I'm a failure and that people will judge me.... but from my experience I have come to realise that we all have problems and we all have issues and we all have made mistakes and we all have doors we keep locked.
I have found that these doors have quite a dark entrance, they are really well hidden, we hide them from others and we hide them from God, even though thats not possible. The crazy thing is that if we hide them for long enough we even forget where the door is and then we have this darkness and we don't even know where its coming from. God still knows where this door is and He can still light up this door but if you and God are not really on talking terms then the only person who can help you find that door and illuminate the entrance so you can see the door and open it. Yes God can show you the door and give you all the light you will require to see the door and find the key, but you still have to be the one who opens it and allows God and other people in. Only you can allow that. Its hard and it hurts like hell but YOU have to do it.
I'm sorry for going so far off track but this is what I realised over last few week. I saw so many people doing what they should be doing and being at church and singing all the songs and knowing all the verses but do they actually know God. Have they allowed themselves to be broken enough to meet Him, have they been desperate enough that they had to find comfort in Him. I don't know the heart of man but if just one person is living without actually meeting God then I want to show them who God is and what He does. I know only a small part of what he can do and mostly only what He has done for me, but if this is what it takes for these people to meet God and allow Him in then I will be there and I will tell them all I know about Him.
I want to show people what God has done for me and what God does for others even though they may not realise it or even see it. Sometimes we need to let light into places to see what God is doing everyday.
God has blessed me with more love than what I can comprehend but I sometimes don't know what to do with it or how to use it. I want to share it but my own thoughts and trials and tribulations make me careful and calculating and cautious. I want to love without this fear, without worrying about what others think of me and without being held back by the past. I want to share a fresh and exciting love.
Sharing the love one small gesture at a time, every gesture all the time, gestures made for all of time.
Dani D
My heart is scared of her to seek
I dare not look, I best not peek
for if just the slightest view inside
might reveal the things in me I hide
Perplexed by the girl I know she is
Held captive in the life she lives
Love with her everywhere she brings
but struggles with the love within
A heart that prays for a love endure
A heart that shares a love so pure
It's everywhere, in everything
From every word, her heart must sing
The fears of things in past that taint
Every word thought, every action made
So many scars, so many tears
The pain of love my heart should bear
Is it right, is it fair?
In truth I know I'm far from saint
This girl and I share pain thats great
I long to see her smile again
The smile that shows she has hope in Him
A smile that melts the deep within
A smile that says please come in
Its everywhere, in everything
From every word, her heart must sing
The shadows are a place to hide
But my heart wants to get outside
this hiding place, this darkened space
It longs a chance to know Gods grace
A smile that melts the deep within
A smile that says please come in
Its everywhere, in everything
From every word, my heart must sing
The smile that from her heart it comes
In truth and kindness life it brings
The words, the thoughts, the crazy deeds
That as I dream it plants its seeds
A smile that melts the deep within
A smile that says please come in
Its everywhere, in everything
From every word, my heart must sing
From every word, my heart does sing
From every word, to her it sings
Much Love Dani D
Good morning all my loyal readers ...... a few and select crowd
Today I woke up and did not want to get out of bed, I wanted to sleep in and watch TV, just loaf and be lazy.
Being the change you want to see is called for in scripture over and over again. Be the light of the world, Shout it out from the rooftops, be the salt........... be different to that which the world suggest we be.
We have to stand out in the world and look different, we have to create awkward moments and shock people. We have to challenge worldly thinking and ultimately we will be called fools for it, we will be considered to be broken, damaged goods, slightly off the wall. You know what.... I don't mind. I look around me and see people who do things without thinking, who hurt people because they can, who want things they cannot have, who have things they don't want, I see greed, envy, hatred, slander, lust, deception, PRIDE....... the list goes on. What are we doing? Why are we living like this, why do we put the chains around ourselves..... we let them be put on us, and we allllll try and deny it. I am no saint and I struggle with a number of those things and a whole bunch of others, this was not meant for others as much as it was meant for me. I know what I do wrong, I know what I should and should not do..... so why do I do what I shouldn't?
What is the point of being the change you want to see only while people are watching, thats not integrity, thats not what God called for, thats not what our hearts and souls desire. I don't feel better when I do the wrong thing even though no one is watching..... in fact I feel worse and it damages us on a level we don't even comprehend. It changes us and moulds us, our thoughts, our actions and our reactions.
For too long I have been living the change I want to see only while I am with others, only while I'm being watched. I want to be that person that says something and means it with all his heart. I want to be that passionate about the things I believe in. I want to step out the boat and maybe even get wet and have to try again and again. No I don't want to be..... I need to be that person.
I so often think something and say another, or want to do something and end up not. I am afraid of what I will lose but have I ever thought about what I might gain? What doing or saying the truthful thing will do not only to my life but also to my heart? I want to try it but the task seems totally unattainable, too much to handle but then I red a blog of a very inspirational lady who said much like eating an elephant we need to tackle the problem one small piece at a time and not get impatient. Eat a little and digest, eat a little and digest.........
She goes on to talk about worth and how a bank note still holds its worth even if its worn, crumpled or even slightly torn. We too hold our worth in the eyes of God. Guilt should not hold us back but rather teach us so we can move forward. Yes we make mistakes, we get lost, we go down dark alleyways and wander off in the wrong direction. Lets stop looking back and wishing we did it differently and instead focus on where we are going, but the first thing we need to do is actually look. Notice the desperate situation and then look to where we need to go.
Put the things that we try so desperately to hide out in the open and let the light shine on them. Let those we trust see you for who you are and be amazed at how they too will come out of hiding and light up. Be prepared for emotions that have been bottled up and for much tearing of the eyes.
So I say be yourself and be honest about who you are..... from there you will find freedom from the chains that we allow to be put around us and watch how a little bit of courage and honesty can truly change your life.
Peace
Dani D
What does God see when he looks at us like ants in a field, unable to see ahead or behind us.
Today I had a chance to think about what happened over the last few days. All the joys, all the let downs, all the triumphs and all the failures.
Yesterday we cured the very first tire in the new Continental factory in Sumter. It started all the previous Friday when I arrived and found the programmer struggling to even make the machine do anything. Nothing will move. On top of this we have no steam to run the machine and things were looking quite bleak. In fact things were so bad that I even negotiated with the supplier of the machine that we work on Sunday....
By the time I arrive on Saturday I find the programmer with a big smile on his face..... the machine is moving.
Later in the day I get the good news that we can test the steam supply and after a long day at work we successfully test the steam supply and the piping to the machine and have absolutely no issues. I call off the work on Sunday.
Sunday turns out to be one of the best days I have had this year.... A true blessing from God
On Monday we find that some of the pieces of the tooling are missing and we have to call off the first tire for the Monday. But we still make as much progress as we can and try to anticipate as much for the big day.
Tuesday morning and the missing equipment has arrived ..... but now the machine will not work in auto mode. It will just not do the full cycle in order to cure the tire. Along with that we make many small mistakes and had many delays..... all could be expected due to a new team and little experience but this was not what we needed. As the time ticks away and the time draws near to the manager arriving things are looking bad.... very bad. But it was that day that the project leader arrived on site and within half an hour we have the press running through the auto cycle. Unfortunately at this time EVERYONE was there to watch and we were not ready... in fact we had not done a single test on the machine at this point.... these tests were supposed to be done the day before but I guess things don't always work as you want them to.
The whole thing is almost called off but with a glimmer of hope we have the machine closed heating up getting ready for the tire.... 30 minutes to go and its back on. We don't know what the machine will do to the tire whatsoever.
The tire is put into the machine 30 minutes later and when its cured its Prefect. A success.
But this success did not come without small failures, mistakes, miscommunication and various other issues.
It was not an easy task and at times I thought to myself what am I doing, I'm not qualified for this job, I'm not ready for this, I don't know what might happen and how to solve a random issue. I think is is probably much how David felt at the time he looked up into the eyes of Goliath and saw the monstrosity that stood before him..... what an overwhelming feeling and his case was life or death.... that took a whole other level of trust that I am still to learn.
I can tell you that after everything is said and done and the first tire is cured the things that occurred were not an accident they had nothing to do with whether you are qualified or not, although it does help =) what really matters is who/what you put your trust in. It is unbelievable how much stuff is out of your control how much is considered good luck or coincidence but I would like to call it a Godincidence. The fact that everything happened the way it did caused me to call off the Sunday work day and end up having a very special day. Added to this the fact that some of the equipment was missing caused us to call off the first attempt early and potentially cause ourselves much embarrassment. And to top off all of this the one guy that we needed to get the machine working arrived the very next day 1 hour before we needed to run the machine.
So after thinking back at everything that happened over the past few days I have no doubt that God orchestrated the whole thing and He loved doing it and even though I was questioning what was happening only God could see the final result and how beautifully it all came together for the good of those work trust in Him and work hard to do the best they can. It was also on Monday morning that myself and my colleague prayed before the day and asked God for guidance and strength and at times I felt misguided and weak but God was smiling waiting for it all to unravel before our eyes and the joy that comes from hard work and perseverance.
Not only did I learn to let go of trying to control everything but I also learned that we are all human and we all makes mistakes and what makes the hugest difference is how we react to these mistakes and what we do and say while around others. We are the light God has sent out into the world and we need to ensure that we shine and show compassion, love, patience and to have humility. This is definitely easier said than done.
I too made mistakes and realising this helps me to show these characteristics of God. The fact that the first tire was cured perfectly did not make me proud or arrogant.... it made me even more humble.
Trust in God in all things and with all things as He is intimately involved in our lives, working out everything for the good of those who trust in Him and work with him.
Keep on doing what God has lead you to do and do it well to the best of your ability and let God do the rest, Faith, Trust and Hope.
Have a great day and feel blessed because everyday that God gives us is another day to be more like Him.
Much Love
Dani D
I have no idea how to start this post as I have so much I want to share that's in my heart. I will try and keep it to the point.
Today I had the most unreal day in the most unexpected place at the most random of time...... or was it?
I went down to have breakfast in the hotel this morning, it was early but I was out of bed... somehow. As I get to the dining area I was met with the sweet sounds of worship music, a bunch of kids singing and playing alllllll their instruments.....and there were many. I think little of it and grab some bacon and munch it like and American, with my fingers =). As I'm sitting there listening to the beautiful sounds of worship, which happened to put a massive smile on my face, I see the one girl go up to a bunch of people and ask them if they were interested in joining them at the church service they were playing at......
There it was right in front of me and I almost didn't even see it, God placed it right in front of me and I almost walked right past it, a BURNING BUSH. As with Moses and the burning bush, yes this was more literal with Moses but he too could have just walked on by and as with the story of Moses you wanna notice them bushes =) Elizabeth Barrett Browning addresses this in such a great quote: "Earth's crammed with heaven, and every common bush afire with God, but only he who sees, takes off his shoes, the rest sit round it and pluck blackberries, and daub their natural faces unaware."
So what do I do... I wait for the girl to come to me and ask me if I would like to join the service too...... and she doesn't. She walks on by and gets ready to leave. So many times the bush is there and when we eventually see it we say to ourselves, "God will bring the bush to us, He will make it walk right up to us and tell us exactly what God has in store for us..... God can do that but He doesn't. He wants us to seek, to explore to be brave and to step out of the boat. So there I am thinking what an idiot I was, why did I not just ask, why did I not say something, I just walked past a burning bush.... Luckily God knows that I sometimes need a second chance and the girl came past again and I jump at the opportunity, I walk up to the burning bush, I take the first step out of the boat, I ask her when and where the service is. All it takes is the first step.
So I end up at the church and awkwardly walk into the sanctuary and look around hoping that someone would notice me and talk to me when I see a waving hand and a smiling face, from here I was led through a beautiful worship service with heartfelt sharing, some tears and much laughter. Such a great time with God and with His people. I take the next step as I am invited to a youth rally that evening and the only people I know will be on stage. This time the burning bush is very clear but fear holds me back. Its been so long since I was around young christians that I did not know from a bar of soap. I sit at the back and watch from a distance. I spend the next 2 hours in relationship with God, getting to know my savior just a little better though a very talented and gifted team of young people. What an adventure......... so far
I am left with a huge smile and filled with the Holy Spirit. Only to be blessed further by being invited to a spontaneous dinner at Cook Out, my first involvement in a Harlem Shake, and a wonderful time of fellowship.
My heart almost can't hold all the joy that I received today, I feel like God gave me my birthday present 7 months early =) and God always gives the best gifts, the ones that last forever.
God works in mysterious ways, He made my heart skip a beat, my soul lift up, my strength restored and my mind go crazy with His amazing power displayed today.
And as I come to the end of the day and start to reflect on all that happened and all the people who touched my life I wonder to myself..... How many burning bushes do I walk past each and every day? How many occasions are there in a day where God offers an adventure, where He gives us something beautiful and we just walk right on by. Makes me wonder what we are all missing.
So be brave, keep a keen eye, and check every bush for God's hidden treasures.
Much Love
Dani D
Yet another run today in the wonderland of Gods creation...... yes its in the center of Hanover but somehow its the one place where the business of the world around me seem to fade into the background.
The buds have started to show up on the trees...... ITS SPRING!!!!!!!!
The birds have started to sing in the mornings and the temperature had improved substantially.
What an amazing thing to watch the start of a new season and see the changes that occur all around you and how they are all carefully orchestrated and in perfect time with each other creating one of the most beautiful plays of all time. One that has been running since the beginning of time.
Its a sell out crowd and everyone is watching waiting in anticipation, waiting of the main act. The curtain opens and there stands a young couple dressed in the most glorious garments. The music starts gently and slowly the young couple move as one, almost as if they had been one for all of time.... made for each other. The music speeds up and they start to move more quickly flowing seamlessly across the stage. Everything is perfect, nothing is spared in creating this one scene, this one dance, this one moment.....
The climax is near, the music speeds, the dancers move faster and faster like leaves blowing in the wind. No one has taken a breath, everyone is waiting, fixed on the couple, its incredible. The music suddenly stops, he throws her into the air, and as she descends her garment explodes into what can only be described as divine beauty, more extravagant than diamond and jewels and more beautiful than any poem ever written. Ever heart is racing in the theater, every eye fixed watering from the intense passion of what just transpired not only in front of them but also of what occurred within them. The man waits patiently as she floats back down in splendor and grace ready to catch her and hold her close embracing her in his love. She is caught, splendor still falling all around them. The lights dim and the curtains slowly close. Its all over, the whole show comes to an end, seemingly as if it had only lasted for a few moments and yet at the same time a whole lifetime. The audience left speechless and breathless with tears streaming down their faces, unable to speak, struggling to comprehend what just happened.......
This is how I envisioned the changing of the season.... Winter to Spring to Summer. God displaying his incredible passion and His unending love for what He created. I can only imagine watching this all unfold from Heaven.
And after all of this I find myself thinking about my own life and how I too have been taken through a seasonal change. (It seems that when you live in Germany long enough your seasons seem to sync up =b)
A song has been put back into my lungs and in my heart. I have found joy and peace with all that is happening around me. I find myself more motivated to create and to reflect Gods beauty within me. It seems that a budding has happened in my life, its been a very long and cold winter and at times it has been hard to hold on and push through. I am learning again how to find my joy at the source..... God. It would seem that for a long time joy came from God through others, this is good but should not be a permanent supply for one's joy as it will never be enough to feed a flame as intense as the flame of God inside of you and me. This is always a very scary thing to find one's joy within the creator of the universe. Its great to experience his joy within others and to feed off of that but to have a direct tap to that amazing joy that comes only from the Love of the Father, that's what its all about. That's what God wants for you. But how?
Well, we all have to remember that this not God's first spring. He knows what He is doing when it comes to the seasonal spring on earth as well as the ones that happen in our lives. Leave the orchestrating to God. Let him take you forward, teach you, grow you, nurture you. He is truly an expert like no other. This does however require us to allow Him to do this most amazing work in our lives and create the most beautiful thing as only God knows how.
There is something quite amazing in the way that spring occurs. Everything happening just at the right time and in the right way. The weather changes the insects arrive at exactly the tight time, the birds and their music in perfect harmony with the procession, the buds, the flowers, the beauty and splendor of it all. And after it all runs to a seemingly perfect and precise schedule the fruit appears and ripens. And inside the fruit lies the power of multiplication, of spreading, of growth much greater than within oneself. The seed.
So as spring springs upon us be aware of the beautiful work that God wants to do in your life and the great potential He has given you, not only to grow within oneself but to spread that growth amongst the nations.
Let the spring of God in your life create the seeds that germinate in the gardens of others =)
Much Love and seed sharing
Dani D
